As I gather my thoughts today, I reflect on the process of "peeling away the layers." I've been doing this in therapy, on and off, for years. I started when my son's father and I broke up; got through the process until I felt whole once again; and have gone back in, on and off, since then.
There are some who attach a stigma to therapy. And for those that do, I don't mind telling you that you're wrong. Therapy is healthy. (Try it...you'll see!) What I've discovered is that in order for it to work, truly work, you must be willing to peel away the layers; to be vulnerable; to look deep inside yourself and confront all those things that have been crippling you throughout your life. Yep...you have to be willing to admit that there's some f*cked up crap to deal with. The beauty of this is this....we all have some crap. Not one of us gets off this earth unscathed. Bam! Doesn't that make you feel better?
Peeling away the layers is a painful process. It forces us to look at things from our past, to look at ourselves, to realize the consequences of our actions, to confront our childhoods, and to have those aha moments when you suddenly realize the patterns you've been repeating over and over and over again. No one wants to open these wounds....but it's the first step to healing.
Why is it that we are so conditioned to bottle things up? To pretend that things are good when they aren't? To keep hidden those things that prevent us from moving forward? To let fear lead us and in this process, defeat us?
I think it's the vulnerability of it all. Most of us attach weakness to vulnerability, but that couldn't be further from the truth.
Vulnerability is defined as the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally. Wow! Isn't it quite brave, then, to be vulnerable? Think about it!
We are conditioned to love the heroes. It's all over tv, in movies, in our favorite books and our favorite Netflix series! The heroes are the ones that rush right into the heat of things even though danger lurks on the horizon. We all applaud them and cheer for them to succeed...and all of us know that in the end they will no matter how many obstacles are thrown in front of them. Why, then, aren't we our own heroes?
I made a decision to change my life and I've done quite well with it these past couple of years. BUT, I knew I needed to make a change a long time before I started making it. I kept moving forward and then moving backwards, repeating patterns, retreating into my comfort zone (no matter how unhealthy that comfort zone was), and then moving forward again. It took a major leap to keep moving forward but when I started to, I felt a shift around me. I became happier. I recognized, and stopped myself, from repeating patterns. I tried exciting new things. I set boundaries. I became more productive at work. I surrounded myself with only those people that lifted me up. I didn't dread getting out of bed in the morning. I smiled more at people passing by. I found joy in every day things. I met new amazing people that are inspirational to me and I connected with them over things that I care deeply about. I opened up more and in this process found kindred spirits that provide unconditional love and support. In short, I became my own, hero rushing into the heat of things, knowing that in the end, I will succeed.
Life is not meant to live small. Many of us are stuck in a place of survival, but we are not in a place of living. I want to encourage you to take a step toward vulnerability. It is perhaps the bravest thing you will ever do. And once you take this step, you will begin to heal and your life will be remarkable in ways that you could not have imagined.
Don't be afraid...so many wonderful things await!
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