In my mind I am planning how to go about my day. As I drink my morning coffee I scroll through Facebook and see all the updates that have been posted. I generally do not go to individual pages, yet this morning I do, consciously, go to two specific pages. These pages belong to two people I care about immensely and my visit to their page is a way of checking on them. Why would I single out two people of the nearly 800 that are on my friend's list? It's simple - my two friends are newly inducted members of "The Club."
Merriam Webster provides one definition of club as a group identified by some common characteristic. And so while my two friends and I could be part of a club for various reasons, this morning we are joined in our commonality of losing a parent. A parent that we were so very close to, a parent that loved us unconditionally, a parent that was a consistent fixture in our lives, and a parent that to us was a hero. I know this all sounds so romanticized and a bit on the dramatic side. I suppose that's partially because the loss is so new still. But as I learned of the loss of these two wonderful people that meant the world to my two wonderful friends, I was keenly aware that I knew exactly how they were feeling.
All of us have had losses in our lives, and all of us have offered words of condolences to others. Those words take on a brand new meaning when you can truly connect with the loss. As I communicated with my friends about their loss, my heart ached for them. I knew that no words would take away their pain, just as I know the loss is something they will process in their own way. And that is the funny thing about joining this club -- none of us want to be a member, but members we will be at some point in our lives.
It's different when you join The Club. Everything is different. Your days are different. Your life is different. Holidays, birthdays, a certain day of every month and then of every year, is symbolic to you. Sometimes even places you frequent, are different. As I sit and write this, I am very aware that I along with millions of others, are members of this Club, all processing their "membership" in their own way.
It's not a great club to belong to, but the journey that got me here was something I would not trade for anything in the world. What do I mean by that? I mean that I am blessed because I had a wonderful father. We built many wonderful, happy memories, and my father's influence is with me every moment of every day. And my two friends, I am certain, would not trade their journey for anything in the world either. So while I could offer no words to my friends that would ease their pain, I could connect with their pain. And they knew that, too. There is a different understanding when you are a member of The Club. Because of that, I will check the Facebook pages of my friends, send them notes, call them and check on them. And I will understand how their days, their lives, birthdays, holidays and certain days of the month and year, will change. I also know that through their grief they will manage to laugh because they, too, have many wonderful memories and I know that their parent's influence will remain with them always. And because of their loss, I know they will understand when this loss hits another.
I shared this poem with my friends because it brought me comfort when my dad passed. I read it still and I do think it rings true. So to my dad, know that I love you and miss you every single day. I have one request...please say hello to the new members of Heaven's club. And watch over us in the way that you always have.
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